My last post for the blog was 168 days ago (October 7, 2021). Personally speaking, life has been a bit of a roller coaster between then and now. Over that time, I’ve dealt with physical, mental, and emotional issues that I’ve never had to deal with before. What I’d like to do today is just talk a little bit about how I’ve come to realize that what I’ve been going through, is actually quite normal.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve lived a very privileged life. Sure, there’s been a few downturns along the way, but nothing that has truly threatened my overall well-being. So, in October when things started to really turn south for myself and my family, it really hit me hard. I was immediately shown the fragility of the balance we all have with society, our selves, our faith, and our loved ones.
What should be no surprise these days, it all started when my family had a bout of COVID. While it was pretty mild for my children, it affected me WAY more than anticipated. Going through that whole ordeal really made me understand how much I took for granted (and honestly, probably still do). I had never once taken my health seriously – whether its physical, mental, or emotional. Add to that a myriad of setbacks myself and my family have had since then, there were times where it felt life was just crumbling all around me. And going through these experiences really made me confront things head on for the first time in my life.
I’ve always considered myself a pretty level-headed and stable individual. But all it took was just one setback and suddenly, I was faced with significant anxiety and bouts with panic attacks. I was completely ignorant to how anxiety could impact people. As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been pretty lucky in life to not have to deal with these kinds of things. Whereas many people would be able to spot the signs pretty early on, it honestly hit me like a truck.
But as they say, “if you knock, knock me over; I will get back up again!”. But seriously, I don’t think I’ll ever return to the person I was before going through everything. And honestly, I’m still not done. We are still working through ongoing issues along with new obstacles arriving all the time.
I’m not saying all of this with the intention of showing that “everything will work out if you just do what I do!” Because honestly, I have no idea. I’ve taken steps to address some of the issues that I’ve been dealing with, and I HOPE things are back on the right track. But only time will tell. At the very least, I’ll at least be more aware of potential issues moving forward.
I just really hope that anyone out there who reads this that may be going through some of the issues that I went through, can understand that you are not alone. It’s so cliché, but it’s the truth. It was, and still kind of is hard for me to accept, but that’s just reality. People are flawed. We go through life and encounter setbacks along the way. This is perfectly normal. At this point, you’d generally see someone say “it’s how you handle it that shows your fortitude!” or something silly like that. I honestly don’t care about that sort of thing. I just want everyone to be able to live the life that they want to live. Not to placate to others to show how “tough” you are or that you’re indestructible. It’s OK not to be. I, for one, sure as heck wasn’t.
Also, I believe that simply writing this out has helped. While this may not be my most thought provoking or entertaining work, I truly feel it needed to be done. At the beginning of this, I mentioned how long it’s been since I’ve written anything for the blog. What I did not mention are the number of times that I had started to write something but could not pull myself together enough to finish. And finally getting through this feels like I’m actually heading in the right direction again.